it is coming.

well, the day is seriously coming and i have nothing that i can say except for i lost my excitement.

i don't know why, you tell me. is it because i don't feel good about my own strength? or i think i can't do it? or i think i am going to disappoint others?

or maybe i just tired of getting hurt. of nonstop bruises, aching body, etc.

or i just don't like when i feel like i am being forced to do everything... am i? or it is just my feeling? coz obviously there is nobody who force me...

or is it because i spent too much on this trip that i am almost broke right now i don't know whether i can survive or not.

or is it because i need to go so far and to pay to practice when i can hardly buy anything for myself. forget shin guard, forget any possible guard. i guess i just need to survive on none of them.

or the reason might be i just lost my excitement.

you know, whenever i want to join anything, the only reason is because i want to enjoy it. but i don't see i am enjoying all these anymore. i hope the excitement will come again later. please. i want to enjoy my trip or else i will regret forever. come on izzy you have done a lot of things to come to this stage. that includes all the pain and of course the cost. you can certainly just enjoy all these while you still can.

oh DEAR NCG.

oh dear blog

i am sorry.
i don't know what have i done to you.
i simply deleted all the widgets and precious layout,
i don't know what is wrong with me.
worry not,
i don't really feel bad..
because somehow new look will probably the best for you.

so hi empty layout.
i think simplicity suits you.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

i always thought SAY that i am a good friend. but the truth is, i am not.

i have lots of friends. i think for those who know me, you will think 'of course, you are friendly' will be the perfect reason. but the truth is, i realized that i am someone who is paranoid of having anybody too close to me for i cant bear to lose any of them.

i have few bestfriends. ok, i have had few superclose friends who i will never hesitate to do anything for them. but i tend to lose some due to lots of reason. and my nature of 'running from problem' is one of them. i am one who cannot control my own emotion, one who will always have emotional breakdown when things get tough. but, i tried my very best, still trying in fact to be better. and thats when i think i need to 'use' my friends, to support me. to give me love, as how i will do the same for them.

people change. so am i. maybe thats why sometimes i cant believe how fast the time flies. i think i might need to really look forward rather than longing and missing the past. i love my friends, even when they don't feel the same. i care for them even when others think i overdid the gestures, or even when people think i am not. i am just me at the first place.. hard to predict, complicated and selfish.

but to think back, i can never stop from being sad of how my little gestures of gratitude sometimes just being ignored by others...or maybe i am overthink about it. or maybe they just dont think the same way, feel the same as me. did i even deserve to have friends around me at the first place? yes, i value my bestfriends more than my boyfriend, something that even my-future-bf need to know and accept. but the question is, will they do the same for me?

this doesnt mean i don't have any bestfriends at all. yes, i have a lot of awesome n gorgeous friends. take my housemates for example, my sisters who understand me and will make me happy when im down. my dear ones who i hold closely to heart like this one guy who never fail to be with me when im down n laugh with me when i laugh, and few others who scattered all around the world. they are just fabulous you will trade anything for them. with that, i shall be grateful and say thank you.

just, the greedy me just cant feel at ease, just not yet. for she cant erase the memories with the liquid paper. or worse, she cant erase her fault with the eraser.

i came to think at one point i am being even more ignorant and selfish than before. if i am being cruel to you than say it, or else i will never know. if i am being a bad friend then tell me, or else i can never make it up to you. to all my old friends, new friends, will-be friends, i shall say now that i love, care and value all of you. as a bad, stupid, worst friend as i might be to all of you, do know that somehow i never have any intention to even hurt you. so here i warn you... i am really a bad person as a friend. you might want to consider again if you want to be a friend of mine.

as i am really a bad friend.

this post is dedicated to nobody.

seriously nothing to do.

when you seriously got nothing to do, you will:

1. sleep!
2. eat!
3. finish your internet quota!
4. do nothing.
5. NOTHING!!!!!

and those will result to: GEMUK!!!!!!!!
oh please. i don't think i am strong enough to shed these existing excess fats already.
i don't want to add some more....

gosh.

lets go and hit the gym back.
the membership is still on.
the futsal and dancing and jogging are not enough i guess.
but, during this cold weather? winter?

double gosh.

no more excuse izzy!
you know you need to lose the weight!

great clothes.

this post is made by a girl who can hardly shopping for now due to her financial state.


whenever you go out shopping for clothes, what is it that you are looking for?

1. the usage.
2. the trend.
3. the design.
4. the quality.
5. the brand.
6. the price.

well, this is an essential question for everybody out there actually. despite the gender, we are all the same and different at the same time when it comes to choices and taste. lets try to get have a look.

1. the usage.

owh yes. this is actually one of the big factor why we need to get clothes. for example, when winter is coming, winter clothes are definitely needed! yes! the same goes to summer, where of course we cant use winter clothes unless you want to make a stupid statement of your fashion choice.

2. the trend.

this goes to all in-trend fashionista, or not. when you want to follow the trend, you will go for any clothes and accessories that will be 'in' for that moment. the polka dots, the satin-like, the 'emo' look, the net-socks, the highwaisted, the anything... this is partly good n partly not, especially when the 'in' trend doesn't suit those who follow.

3. the design.

designs are important. i mean, if i am the buyer, i will buy something that is appropriately designed for someone like me. of course i wont buy any clothes designed for those thin-like-stick-figure for the design will never suit me. i guess, i prefer the simple yet nice look. or maybe i am not really bold enough to try something more striking, be it the colour or the shape.

4. the quality.

i used to ignore this once upon a time as long as i like it. but now i am starting to be even more choosy about my own purchase so yes, the quality is important to me. what is the purpose of you buying something when you are not comfortable in it or you can hardly keep them after that just because they got no quality. it will be a total waste.

5. the brand.

i am not really a brand concious person. of course the desire to have branded clothes, things, anything, is there but i am not someone who is brought up to be a brand concious person. when i think i can afford something with brand, i will be happy but i will get the same excitement if i can have something with no brand at the same design, same quality and same purpose with no name. i am not a daughter of any rich family after all haha!

6. the price.

YES! THIS IS A BIG YES! hahah! i am definitely go for the cheaper one! since i am little, my shopping partner (usually will be angah) and i will go around the place, or shop, or any complex, just to find the one we love most, at the affordable price! same goes when i was in my foundation years, when i went out shopping with my friends (shikin 0r chuna or sarah) we will try to find the one with low price! especially the shirts. once upon a time, for us, the ones above rm20 is EXPENSIVE! haha! so, the safe way to have the affordable ones will be those ON SALE! haha! i think i will apply the 'above-20-is-expensive' attitude forever.

so, now, WHAT YOU THINK IS THE GREAT CLOTHES?
the one with the style? the great colour? the good quality? the cheap one?
it is actually entirely up to you!



it is not easy you know, for someone like me who loves shoping, who doesn't mind to go out just to help friends with her/his shopping, who takes shopping as her treatment whenever she stress, to actually be too broke JUST because most of the money goes to stupid too expensive accomodation. to make the matter worse, this pity person, if possible, doesn't want her parents money when she is abroad.

why am i so broke!!!

a night.

a night when i see nothing, i know there must be something wrong with me. i foresee this coming before, but i dont expect it to be this soon. u know, i can somehow feel things when others don't. i know i am just weird that way, but that is me. i used to feel that life is full of fun things when i need not to worry about anything but comes with the age, i have become wiser. i know i need to have a look at the world, not to just evolve around me. however, i realized i am still such a selfish person. i want everything to work on MY ways instead of YOURS, i want that, instead of those. ..everything! just, i don't really get the chance to do it out loud.

so, what am i doing now? i know i am giving all that i have to make people around me happy. that includes the loss of few beloved ones...including bestfriend...

still, i think i am not doing good enough. i will let this uneasiness in me to go away, if possible.....

pray for me.

sometimes you are up.
sometimes you are down.
life is certainly like a wheel.
but when you are both up and down,
you learn to look at every possible scenery.
and you learn from it.

life is beautiful.
even when i think negatively,
i still can see the positive side
from all the angles.
they just keep on bugging me,
to feel glad, and blessed.

for i got awesomely awesome people
around me.

the unexpected and the exception.

girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up.
if a guy punches you, he likes you.
but is it really true?
or for guys, it is different?
when he doesn't like us, he will ignore us?
confusing..
and this talk on someday you will meet a wonderful guy
and get your own happy ending.
really?
every movie we see,
every story we're told,
implores us to wait for it.
the third act twist:
"The unexpected declaration of love."
the exception to the rule.
a thing we never get to see,
until we are actually in it.
but sometimes we're so focused
on finding our happy ending...
we don't learn how to read the signs.
how to tell the ones who want us
from the ones who don't.
the ones who will stay
from the ones who will leave.
and maybe this happy ending
doesn't include a wonderful guy.
maybe it's you...
on your own...
picking up the pieces and starting over.
freeing yourself up for something better in the future.
maybe the happy ending is just..
moving on.
better.
or maybe the happy ending is this:
knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls,
unreplied messages and broken hearts..
through all the blunders and misread signals...
through all of the pain and embarrassment..
you never, ever gave up hope.
who knows?


edited from: He's Just Not That Into You.

again and again.

i guess Miss LadyLuck never find me amusing so she just erases my name from her list.
*sigh*

p/s: spending the day decorating the board was not that bad. really.

happy birthday CHUN.

hey there.
please do not think that i forgot your birthday, coz i wont.
here goes a special wish for you,
for all the happy things
that bring you happiness and contentment-
not only on your birthday,
but through your whole year.

Happy Birthday dear.

thanks for being my friend.
in case you dont know, i value our friendship so much.
*hugs*