it is coming.

well, the day is seriously coming and i have nothing that i can say except for i lost my excitement.

i don't know why, you tell me. is it because i don't feel good about my own strength? or i think i can't do it? or i think i am going to disappoint others?

or maybe i just tired of getting hurt. of nonstop bruises, aching body, etc.

or i just don't like when i feel like i am being forced to do everything... am i? or it is just my feeling? coz obviously there is nobody who force me...

or is it because i spent too much on this trip that i am almost broke right now i don't know whether i can survive or not.

or is it because i need to go so far and to pay to practice when i can hardly buy anything for myself. forget shin guard, forget any possible guard. i guess i just need to survive on none of them.

or the reason might be i just lost my excitement.

you know, whenever i want to join anything, the only reason is because i want to enjoy it. but i don't see i am enjoying all these anymore. i hope the excitement will come again later. please. i want to enjoy my trip or else i will regret forever. come on izzy you have done a lot of things to come to this stage. that includes all the pain and of course the cost. you can certainly just enjoy all these while you still can.

oh DEAR NCG.