money oh money.

heck!
i am broke!
to think again, i know i am quite a big spender.
i really need to get a job, like immediately!
my bank account is running low.
i know, i can survive (kot) till the next allowance but obviously i cant buy anything for the time being.
hey! it sucks!!!!!
what to do?
oh dear job. please come upon me.
to those i applied and send the resume to,
please find me.

im broke! oh!!!!!

p/s: dulu kalau pokai boleh call abah mama...now???????

well done, izzy.

A : dah dapat bf dah?
I : HAHAH
I : what kind of ques is that?
I : im truly unlucky in relationships
A : really?
A: ok
A: letme guess ok
A: guys who are single that you would like are either too cocky or have no interest in you....
A: guys that you do like who are sweet either are attached or with another commitment
A: and finally when you do get a guy who seem like the one, they end up leaving for one reason or another?


haha. so true. thanx for pointing that out. ouch.


when it comes to relationship topic, sometimes, i find it funny. why? because my friends used to call me dr.LOVE, but i am never lucky in one. but, life is full of surprises, indeed. but, dear reader, i did think about relationship already. i mean, for the long term aspect. u dont believe me? try to click HERE, an old post where i put all my thoughts in it. hey, it doesnt mean i am desperate of wanting one now... i am just putting a thought. besides, thinking is what makes us wiser, right?

life, girls and guys, relationship, commitment, love, like, crush, etc...
these will, one day, make us look back of our own life journey n smile.
you might as well pat on your own shoulder, even now, to say,

"well done, you have survive so far. keep it on"

love story.

a song that filled my life every now and then.
a song that will never leave my heart.
a song... to cherish forever.

you might say i am not interesting.
but i will say i love the love story,
in this.

single ladies.

tagged by azza. dem u! i know i am single! cis cis.

this survey is ONLY for those who are SINGLE.
answer the questions HONESTLY and tag 7 of your SINGLE FRIENDS.

1. Are you single?
- if im not, i wont get this tag, right? haish.

2. How long have you been single?
- one year. haha.

3. How many exes do you have?
- ouch! sensitive ques...they knw who they are.

4. Whose fault when you guys broke up?
- some are mine, i admit that. but most of the time, i found myself not guilty. really. *vain*

5. If your ex want to get together again, what will your answer be?
- hardly. i dont want to get hurt twice by the same person. (again n again for some)

6. Are you seeing anybody now?
- am i? i dont think so. more towards i dont know that myself. i am blur.

7. What are 3 qualities you want to find most in your future gf/bf?
- i just want him to be good, appreciate me, and accept me for who i am.

8. What turns you on and off for a girl/guy?
- hate to see non hygienic guy. turn on to guys who knows how to bring himself wherever he goes, whenever he is.

9. What will be your comment on your past relationship and future?
- i guess i am never regret for every relationships i am in, those gave me lessons of life. even though i am hurt at the end of it, i used to have great priceless moments too. i will cherish those sweet moments and try to give up the sad ones. but with all that, i am honestly tired with relationships. haha. funny thing is, i am still hoping i can be happy one day.

10. What will you say to your future gf/bf?
- lets get serious. haha.


who else is still single? cis.
1. ruzanne
2. zamzam
3. irrina
4. nas
5. ok...i think most of my friends da tak single. hish...


****************************************************************************

award by ika~

Who gave this award to you? And who is she for you?

Oppss! But there are a few condition for this award.

• Make sure you are a girl
• Copy this badge as your award
• State 5 reasons why you think you are special and why do you proud to be a girl?
• Are you beautiful? Why?
• Pass this award to your girlfriends.

ika gave this to me, and she's someone special since we never be close when we can, but closer when we didnt see each other. :P

5 reasons why im special

1. im weird?
   
2. i think i cant cook, but people just eat them. *peduli la org kutuk kan?*
   
3. i got awesome crowd around me.
   
4. i can be very good and bad at the same time.
   
5. i want things i dont need. haha!
   

why do you proud to be a girl?
girls can be naggers, cute, adorable, bitchy, loud, out of this world and hypnotic at the same time! and u wonder what's keeping u up all night. girls rock! (ika, 2009)

are you beautiful? why?
nope. i dont think im beautiful if appearance is the case,though im grateful of what i am (ika, 2009). but i believe i can be beautiful if i want to be, even though i still think i am big fat and ugly..haish~

girlfriends

1. chun
2. izzah syazwani
   
3. suria
   
4. mard
5. amiey
   

done.

finding the one?

Izyan just get their perfect match criteria based on zodiac.
For Izyan Izzaty who have zodiac Virgo,
below are their perfect match criteria :

Perfect Partners: Taurus, Capricorn
Nearly Perfect Partners: Cancer, Scorpio
Like Minded Souls: Virgo
Opposites Youre Attracted To: Aries, Aquarius
Learn From Your Differences: Leo, Libra
Not Your Destiny: Gemini, Sagittarius
Astrological Hell: Pisces



haha. can i believe all these?
i mean, people always said that virgo wont be a good girlfriend.
they are demanding, sensitive, player, cheater, etc.
but i know myself better.


to THE ONE, come out come out! hahaha!

i'll just be me.

heater baru.

hi mama.
mama tau tak, sekarang sejuk tau kat brisbane ni...
along cuba menggunakan lemak2 yang banyak dalam badan ni,
tapi, tak terdaya...
sejuk yang agak menikam ini memaksa along
untuk membeli barangan elektrik itu.

say hi to my dear heater.

tujuan tipu gambar: menunjukkan heater yg comel dan berjasa.
tujuan sebenar : MAMA! LUTUT ALONG SAKIT!!!!!!!!*in agony*

p/s: lain kali, kalau nak jadi goalie masa main futsal, 1) sila dive dengan teknik yang betul. 2) pakai knee protector. 3) sila jangan melukakan and melebamkan kedua2 lutut anda sehingga koyak kedua2 seluar juga (dengan record 5 lubang di lutut).

dear you.

wake up girl.
the rain is pouring.
go out and play.
till wet, it is raining.

come on girl,
the tears wont get noticed.
for there is the rain,
to conceal hurt and pain.

once again,
you put yourself
in unknown danger.
totally vain.

empty.

stop giving me questions.
i am tired.
stop giving me puzzles.
i am tired.
stop giving me headache.
i am tired.

you see,
i am somebody,
who is no-body.
for i feel empty.
indeed.

please.

i wish i can give a smile to you
and i get the same from you
with -
the sincere one.

i will never know.

you tell me.
or else,
i am sure,
that i know nothing.

for i know now,
even the heart,
can be vocalize..
for that,
throw it out.
let me know.
please.

the presentation

fix you, the homeless!
presentation of Learning Network?
DONE!

"if reality bites, you bite harder"

its difficult to analyze the situation
and what we want out of it,
hence,
the future is always a mystery.

go outside,
and look up in the sky,
take a deep breath and smile. :)
life is beautiful isnt it.

thank you.

xoxo.

i miss those moments...

sometimes, you wont get every single thing that you want.
but most of the time, you cant help it from being greedy,
too greedy.
as i am writing this, i cried. for i know i want nothing more,,
than just to have these moments again,
and again.



for my family, i know i cant let a single day passed by without me thinking of them.
really, truly, i want to run to you, ma...
i miss you too much.
same goes to u abah, angah, akak, aina, adik....
i just want to be there. with all of you.


and to the people i hold to heart dearly..
i know i did wrong to some,
i know i did hurt certain people.
i am sorry but i have to say.
i miss you. all of you.

i just cant get this home-friend-sickness out of my heart.

nothingness.

it hurts to pretend.
hurts more to hurt.
hurt most to hurt yourself.

deep inside, i wish i can do things differently.
deep inside, i wish i can see things differently.

for i know best that i saw nothing in me now.

today...

i start my day early.
i woke up as i felt cold on my feet.
i took my bath,
i brushed my teeth...
but i feel something is not right..really.

i start to do my cleaning..
dust here, dust there,
dumped here, pick it there,
then i tore my place apart..
cause i feel something is not right..

i cant stop to think,
therefore i went to the woolworth..
i was thinking while walking,
till i lost in my own thought.
i know i feel something is not right.

i want to think,
but i feel it was tiring.
i cooked my lunch,
or maybe brunch?
proper one, i did.
still, i feel something is not right.

i did my laundry,
i fold my clothes.
i vacuum whole house,
i did every possible thing today.

i know something is not right.

how should i know?

a little of something

i am lucky...
surrounded by awesomely awesome crowd.
with lovely family,
sweet caring confidante,
bestbuddies i could ever wish for...
not to add gorgeous housemates, unimates,
lecturers and circle of people here.....

for that, i thank Him, for all these...

i am sorry to those i hurt...
i know one girl i could never miss so much more.
i am sorry to those i hurt...
i know i am not as what others think me of.
i am sorry to those i hurt...
hurting, or will hurt, i never want to.

i am never perfect. so do you.

a perfect picture.

is never easy to find.
with so much need,
incomplete as whole.
flaws here and there.
different eyes,
different heart,
different say.

of life.

blogger friendship award

tagged by ika. big thanx for the award!

i am suppose to tell 10 things about me is it ika? well, here 10 things about me.

1. i am currently homesick, i miss my family n home.
   
2. i want to eat a lot lately till i need to restrain myself. autumn is cold!!
   
3. i cant stand cold therefore need to buy heater
   
4. im broke, like TOO BROKE!
   
5. i cooked a lot of 'megi goreng mamak' lately. it is simple, fast and easy.
   
6. i am addicted to grapes, green seedless grapes.
   
7. i lost my student, CLV n go card but someone just found them. thnx!!
   
8. i never borrow any book from QUT library yet! weird, considering how many books i borrowed from ipba's.
   
9. i still haven't finish my asgmnt as im typing this. waiting for Jan to reply.
10. i want to go on a date tomorrow. anyone willing to be my date?

=)
fin ika!
tag 10 people is it?
oh blur.
zam? nas? jarod? amiey? angah? amir? chuna? syapa? khirol? wawa?
yay! cukup 10! my blog is not as famous as yours, dear ika. hehe.

the pressure.

i have been thinking a lot lately.
i mean, BIG TIME OF LOTS...
i know my days are busy, my life is filled,
but my occupied mind tire me most.
as if im doing so many things at the same time with no rest.
at all.
my stomach is in pain,
my body is aching,
my life is hectic,
my mind is blowing.
i want a rest, to rest my mind at most.
the pressure is there.

tiring and painful, yet worth it.

izzy might say before:

what is bola? futsal? huh. boring... everybody is running, kicking and pressure over one stupid ball. isn't that obviously tiring? oh please, what is the keeper doing? just stand there and trying to catch the ball? hello, that will be ridonkulously impossible! when your friends are all running, you just stand there, do nothing, and just wait for the ball? get a life man! you are wasting your time over small matter!

izzy says now:

gosh, this is fun! even though it is super exhausting, it is worth it man! and being a goalie is suprisingly TIRING!!!!!! first, mentally, you need to see the game, try to make your guess where the ball is going to be shoot, what should you do, how to call for your defender and back up...second, the training, lots of pain never to be considered before! whats with all the bruises on my legs and hands? the wrong landing on the knee? the wrong diving on the front, side, back? gosh! and lastly, the feeling!!!! i can never imagine the feeling of frustrating when you failed to save the goal. i know i am new, n nobody really blame me for that matter, but still, i feel utterly sad and hate the fact that i failed the duty: to save the ball.




lesson learned.
however, i am still no fan of any club.
haha!
so stop your campaign!
man u? liverpool? arsenal? everton? chelsea?
i will watch their game first then i will choose.
till then!

happy mother's day MAMA!!!!

mama,
along nakal kan?
mama selalu kata along tak dengar cakap.
along tau along degil.
along nakal buat mama pening.
bila tak puas hati, along cakap tak bertapis.
tak jaga hati mama, tak tau kalau terluka.
along banyak susahkan mama,
mintak ini, buat itu,
masak ini, pergi situ,
mama mesti pening.
anak mama memang degil.

tapi ma,
bila jauh.....along rasa..
jauh......
sangat jauh.....
along rindu mama membebel.
kalau dulu along rasa penat nak dengar,
sekarang along boleh dengar 8jam tanpa henti,
hanya kalau mama depan mata.
along rindu.
nak peluk mama, cium mama,
cakap dengan mama...
pegang tangan mama...

mama, along mintak maaf banyak2.
along tau along banyak buat dosa dengan mama.
tp along tetap syg mama.
sayang along pada mama tak terhingga.

selamat hari ibu mama.



anak mama yang jauh,
along.

trust

trust is precious. yes i know.

it is not easy to gain trust. let alone to maintain it. not only it will take you long time to let others trust you, but it will take you less than a moment to destroy it.

how to gain trust?
that is a question..a very big one..differs from one to another, i believe trust is very complicated. ms.A might trust ms.B but not the other way around. mr.A gives his trust to mr.B without knowing mr.B will easily destroy it. when 1 can give her/his trust easily, another 1 might take forever to trust somebody. this is something that we cannot force. i heard stories of how a girl wants to trust her guy by calling him every 5 mins?10mins? hello, give the guy chance. but how about the guy who cannot trust the girl, at all, despite the courage and effort done by the girl? yes, i am talking about relationship.

weird..

****************************************************************
went out for a cup of cappuccino at the best coffee place yesterday, the 3 Monkeys! ok, it was awesome, thanx to the one who brought me there, n nice chat too. hey, i want to live at west end too....next year? pls?
i got new lip moisturiser! thanx kak!

the heart that wavered.

i think i need to say that i am happy.
just to clarify because i really am.
but i got this hard bad feeling.
that i shouldn't let my guard down.

with the things that go rather easy.
assignments submitted few days ago.
got WIP to be worried of and tests only.
but those are not what i am thinking though.

the heart that wavered so bad it beats-
so hard i thought i might cause it bleed.
do i need to make myself real clear?
that i feel nothing but total fear?

i guess this is rather complicated. random.

do you think you know me?

if you think you know me, click HERE!

bila ada rasa sayang.

bila ada rasa sayang,
mudah hati kata cinta.
tapi cinta bukan mudah.
bila rasa sayang ada.
kalau mahu ikut hati,
akan muah rasa benci.
tapi hati mahu lari,
sembunyi bukan bunuh diri.
tapi tuduh cerca juga nista,
sudah sebati dalam kata.
tiada guna bagi muka,
kalau hati bisa binasa.

i am izzy

i am hardheaded, coldhearted, mean and vain.
i am a virgo that might cause you pain.
i can hurt u if u are in 1mile radius with me.
i think i am best for you not to even see.

fair enough?

when you think you are not good enough.

i had this bad feeling.
a feeling that hurts.
where at one point,
you are full of blame
for yourself, yes-
i am not happy
for what i have,
for what i can do.
i just want more.
do better.

one greed little wish,
for things are easier.
for me to take
each step to make.
but things are going harder.
can i say i need more chance here?

i want to improve.
be better, at everything-
myself, attitude, studies and all.
but i get nothing but to fall.


the choices are in my hand.
nonetheless,
how can i take the the chance?
if i am afraid of the "afterward",
"now" can never begin.


*random thought*

my addiction, haish.

well, finished them long ago but i keep on reread it. i dont know what kind of spell steph meyer put on me but i cant stop my addiction. anyone please help me! i think i love the last one, Breaking Dawn, till i reread it for the 4th time now. can u imagine that?? wth? hahah!

i saw this one little kid just now, he is soo cute! cubit pipi! i want to get married and hav kids too! ok, that sounds weird. i miss my sister. adik! along rindu!

went to South Bank, got Buddha Fest, so got fireworks too. wish to go there and enjoy with someone while holding hands, eating icecream (sejuk2 ni??) but what to do, got no one (yet) so went there with few other girl friends. thanks to szeluan, aimi, sue n mira.

i think it is so cold lately. need to buy heater soon. *duit lagi*

i miss my home.

trip to sunshine coast.

had a fun one...
really.
despite the fact that i am super tired from last night, i had fun.
what to do, beaches just got their magic to make myself smile.
and the nature...captivating..

oh ya, thanx kaka za for the bbq. nyaman!*vocab baru blajar td*

p/s: to those who wants the pictures, please COME TO ME and ask for them...i dn think i will upload all of them. cant imagine how can i handle it when there got 642pics only for 1 trip! haish...

for pictures u may click HERE

please dont.

i know i am not as good as u think i am.
never perfect, not even near.
i make mistakes,
i did hasty decisions,
i am stupid for most of the times..
but spare me, i want to learn.
i want to know.
i want to keep myself strong.
just because i dont look good doesnt mean im bad.
and just because i looked bad doesnt mean im wild.
i know myself better.
i know who i want to be.
please let me be.
do not hurt me.