F.R.I.E.N.D.S

i always thought SAY that i am a good friend. but the truth is, i am not.

i have lots of friends. i think for those who know me, you will think 'of course, you are friendly' will be the perfect reason. but the truth is, i realized that i am someone who is paranoid of having anybody too close to me for i cant bear to lose any of them.

i have few bestfriends. ok, i have had few superclose friends who i will never hesitate to do anything for them. but i tend to lose some due to lots of reason. and my nature of 'running from problem' is one of them. i am one who cannot control my own emotion, one who will always have emotional breakdown when things get tough. but, i tried my very best, still trying in fact to be better. and thats when i think i need to 'use' my friends, to support me. to give me love, as how i will do the same for them.

people change. so am i. maybe thats why sometimes i cant believe how fast the time flies. i think i might need to really look forward rather than longing and missing the past. i love my friends, even when they don't feel the same. i care for them even when others think i overdid the gestures, or even when people think i am not. i am just me at the first place.. hard to predict, complicated and selfish.

but to think back, i can never stop from being sad of how my little gestures of gratitude sometimes just being ignored by others...or maybe i am overthink about it. or maybe they just dont think the same way, feel the same as me. did i even deserve to have friends around me at the first place? yes, i value my bestfriends more than my boyfriend, something that even my-future-bf need to know and accept. but the question is, will they do the same for me?

this doesnt mean i don't have any bestfriends at all. yes, i have a lot of awesome n gorgeous friends. take my housemates for example, my sisters who understand me and will make me happy when im down. my dear ones who i hold closely to heart like this one guy who never fail to be with me when im down n laugh with me when i laugh, and few others who scattered all around the world. they are just fabulous you will trade anything for them. with that, i shall be grateful and say thank you.

just, the greedy me just cant feel at ease, just not yet. for she cant erase the memories with the liquid paper. or worse, she cant erase her fault with the eraser.

i came to think at one point i am being even more ignorant and selfish than before. if i am being cruel to you than say it, or else i will never know. if i am being a bad friend then tell me, or else i can never make it up to you. to all my old friends, new friends, will-be friends, i shall say now that i love, care and value all of you. as a bad, stupid, worst friend as i might be to all of you, do know that somehow i never have any intention to even hurt you. so here i warn you... i am really a bad person as a friend. you might want to consider again if you want to be a friend of mine.

as i am really a bad friend.

this post is dedicated to nobody.

happy birthday AINA!!!

Happy Birthday dear sister!
i called you but mama said you were off for camping (i hope the camp was a good one or i'll feel bad for you haha!)
you are now one year older YAY!
that means you need to be a little more mature than you are before.
i want you to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good student and also a good person.

you know,
i always love you.
even when you are naughty,
even when you are nice,
even when you throw a fit,
even when you help me to bits.
i will always love you.
forever will.

now, i want you to know,
that how far we are now,
you are always in my mind.
hope mine in yours too.

along sayang aina!

seriously nothing to do.

when you seriously got nothing to do, you will:

1. sleep!
2. eat!
3. finish your internet quota!
4. do nothing.
5. NOTHING!!!!!

and those will result to: GEMUK!!!!!!!!
oh please. i don't think i am strong enough to shed these existing excess fats already.
i don't want to add some more....

gosh.

lets go and hit the gym back.
the membership is still on.
the futsal and dancing and jogging are not enough i guess.
but, during this cold weather? winter?

double gosh.

no more excuse izzy!
you know you need to lose the weight!

great clothes.

this post is made by a girl who can hardly shopping for now due to her financial state.


whenever you go out shopping for clothes, what is it that you are looking for?

1. the usage.
2. the trend.
3. the design.
4. the quality.
5. the brand.
6. the price.

well, this is an essential question for everybody out there actually. despite the gender, we are all the same and different at the same time when it comes to choices and taste. lets try to get have a look.

1. the usage.

owh yes. this is actually one of the big factor why we need to get clothes. for example, when winter is coming, winter clothes are definitely needed! yes! the same goes to summer, where of course we cant use winter clothes unless you want to make a stupid statement of your fashion choice.

2. the trend.

this goes to all in-trend fashionista, or not. when you want to follow the trend, you will go for any clothes and accessories that will be 'in' for that moment. the polka dots, the satin-like, the 'emo' look, the net-socks, the highwaisted, the anything... this is partly good n partly not, especially when the 'in' trend doesn't suit those who follow.

3. the design.

designs are important. i mean, if i am the buyer, i will buy something that is appropriately designed for someone like me. of course i wont buy any clothes designed for those thin-like-stick-figure for the design will never suit me. i guess, i prefer the simple yet nice look. or maybe i am not really bold enough to try something more striking, be it the colour or the shape.

4. the quality.

i used to ignore this once upon a time as long as i like it. but now i am starting to be even more choosy about my own purchase so yes, the quality is important to me. what is the purpose of you buying something when you are not comfortable in it or you can hardly keep them after that just because they got no quality. it will be a total waste.

5. the brand.

i am not really a brand concious person. of course the desire to have branded clothes, things, anything, is there but i am not someone who is brought up to be a brand concious person. when i think i can afford something with brand, i will be happy but i will get the same excitement if i can have something with no brand at the same design, same quality and same purpose with no name. i am not a daughter of any rich family after all haha!

6. the price.

YES! THIS IS A BIG YES! hahah! i am definitely go for the cheaper one! since i am little, my shopping partner (usually will be angah) and i will go around the place, or shop, or any complex, just to find the one we love most, at the affordable price! same goes when i was in my foundation years, when i went out shopping with my friends (shikin 0r chuna or sarah) we will try to find the one with low price! especially the shirts. once upon a time, for us, the ones above rm20 is EXPENSIVE! haha! so, the safe way to have the affordable ones will be those ON SALE! haha! i think i will apply the 'above-20-is-expensive' attitude forever.

so, now, WHAT YOU THINK IS THE GREAT CLOTHES?
the one with the style? the great colour? the good quality? the cheap one?
it is actually entirely up to you!



it is not easy you know, for someone like me who loves shoping, who doesn't mind to go out just to help friends with her/his shopping, who takes shopping as her treatment whenever she stress, to actually be too broke JUST because most of the money goes to stupid too expensive accomodation. to make the matter worse, this pity person, if possible, doesn't want her parents money when she is abroad.

why am i so broke!!!

a night.

a night when i see nothing, i know there must be something wrong with me. i foresee this coming before, but i dont expect it to be this soon. u know, i can somehow feel things when others don't. i know i am just weird that way, but that is me. i used to feel that life is full of fun things when i need not to worry about anything but comes with the age, i have become wiser. i know i need to have a look at the world, not to just evolve around me. however, i realized i am still such a selfish person. i want everything to work on MY ways instead of YOURS, i want that, instead of those. ..everything! just, i don't really get the chance to do it out loud.

so, what am i doing now? i know i am giving all that i have to make people around me happy. that includes the loss of few beloved ones...including bestfriend...

still, i think i am not doing good enough. i will let this uneasiness in me to go away, if possible.....

pray for me.

sometimes you are up.
sometimes you are down.
life is certainly like a wheel.
but when you are both up and down,
you learn to look at every possible scenery.
and you learn from it.

life is beautiful.
even when i think negatively,
i still can see the positive side
from all the angles.
they just keep on bugging me,
to feel glad, and blessed.

for i got awesomely awesome people
around me.

the unexpected and the exception.

girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up.
if a guy punches you, he likes you.
but is it really true?
or for guys, it is different?
when he doesn't like us, he will ignore us?
confusing..
and this talk on someday you will meet a wonderful guy
and get your own happy ending.
really?
every movie we see,
every story we're told,
implores us to wait for it.
the third act twist:
"The unexpected declaration of love."
the exception to the rule.
a thing we never get to see,
until we are actually in it.
but sometimes we're so focused
on finding our happy ending...
we don't learn how to read the signs.
how to tell the ones who want us
from the ones who don't.
the ones who will stay
from the ones who will leave.
and maybe this happy ending
doesn't include a wonderful guy.
maybe it's you...
on your own...
picking up the pieces and starting over.
freeing yourself up for something better in the future.
maybe the happy ending is just..
moving on.
better.
or maybe the happy ending is this:
knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls,
unreplied messages and broken hearts..
through all the blunders and misread signals...
through all of the pain and embarrassment..
you never, ever gave up hope.
who knows?


edited from: He's Just Not That Into You.

again and again.

i guess Miss LadyLuck never find me amusing so she just erases my name from her list.
*sigh*

p/s: spending the day decorating the board was not that bad. really.

happy birthday CHUN.

hey there.
please do not think that i forgot your birthday, coz i wont.
here goes a special wish for you,
for all the happy things
that bring you happiness and contentment-
not only on your birthday,
but through your whole year.

Happy Birthday dear.

thanks for being my friend.
in case you dont know, i value our friendship so much.
*hugs*

a little picnic can make you happy

a little picnic can make you happy,
don't you think so?
with the food,
small talk,
laughters,
a total bless.

to anyone, everyone out there,
lets pack our food and go enjoy our picnic!


is anybody home?

movieworld

will update on the trip later!
but sure, it was such a blast!

special thanks to aimee, ainul, arep n syafiq.
you guys made my day!

emo is the present me.

i am emo today. but what will i do when i am emo?
do i need to go and tell everybody that i am emo?
or do i need to just sit and stare at the ceiling,
being afraid i will hurt others when i am emo?
i hate to say this, but i am never the patient one.
so just let me be i guess.
coz i know.
i am emo.




p/s: days are passing too quickly i lost my own count. am i left behind now since i cant see the present me or the near future?

SKSI? i like!

oh! this is exciting!

twitter gave something to be excited about yesterday. haha! except for few people i keep on contact (izzati, syafiq..er..lagi?), i finally found another person from my primary school days! haha!

ok, call me lame, but i went to 3 primary schools back then. it was fun, yes, but at the same time i failed to maintain close relationship with any friends then. ok, except for my cousins. but they are cousins n that is different! ok. come back to my main reason of blogging today.

i went to 3 primary schools. 1st, Sekolah Tunku Mahmood (2) or famously known as STM2. then, i moved to Sekolah Kebangsaan Seri Intan (SKSI) before i settled in Sekolah Kebangsaan Tenaga Setia (SKTS). nope, i dont move because i make trouble, i am certainly a good girl back then (yeke??) haha! but yeah, due to certain circumstances, i got 3 primary schools! woohoo!

i can still remember my days in STM2. i have no idea how, but i remember i am in 1Setia (kot) because the teacher moved me from 1Maju. i wore pinafore to school, n every after recess we had the brushing teeth session, all line up along the drain with small toothbrush, and a cup of water. plastic cup! yay! oh! i got that for all 3 schools! haha! n during recess, or before the class starts, there will be a lot of girls playing 'tengteng', 'taligetah' and 'batuseremban'. as for boys, they LOVE 'play&run' which till now i have no idea how they play that. haha! then, i move to SKTS, placed in 2Mutiara, 3Mutiara and 4Mutiara even when they did the streaming class. i guess i kind of bright back in my primary days. haha! there, i met new friends. but i dont know why, i felt kind of lonely there. of course, i can still remember some like Izzati, Syamila, Intan, Aida, Hidayah, Sabrina, Auf, Syafiq, Eli, Iwan, Lily, n..oh. Azie (i sort of remember her mom doesnt like me that much..haha!). ok i am sorry, my memory is not that good. i remember too that i admired this 1 guy (1st crush ok) named Nazri. hahah! lame lame lame. and how angah n me will line up during 'Hari Anugerah Cemerlang' coz we got quite a number of them. berlagak! but i have no idea what i got, till i got 7 tags on my baju. or was it 8? (gila hadiah). even got this 1 time when both my sister n i got the same award (anugerah plajar aktif kot, kan angah?), the announcer announced, Izyan Izzaty Salikan dan adiknya, Izzah Syazwani Salikan. mama n abah must be smiling so wide then, kan angah? n that makes me quite famous among the teachers, but not really among the friends. am i that bad back then? aduh!

back to the point when suddenly my long-lost friend suddenly remember me saying, 'i remember u, u r a bright girl...' kind of thing. am i? my sis told me the same thing how she was so embarrased when she once went through this phase n i think now i got how it feel. damn. i feel sort of bad, cause i dont think i made quite an impression as a friend then. huhu! to all my friends whom i know wayyyyy long ago, i am sorry if i am such a bitch. you know, young, no manners and such. haha!

but if this makes u happy, when i move to SKTS, i am bullied there. really! it is ironic u know. ok, even though bullied only in my early days as newcomer, still, that was worth an experience. but well, sorry Faizol, if by any chance you are reading this (which i dont think you will), i think when u bullied me, i am not that scared. coz i know Cikgu Yahya wont let Cikgu Salikan's daughter being bullied. i know you got detention for that. and when i become the head prefect 1 year later (gila kuasa? i know i know), you are under me! thats when u got lots of duties others dont want to do. *oh i AM MEAN!* sorry! sorry!!!

i miss my days then. really. if i am given the chance, i want to have a reunion of my childhood friends. i miss them so much! obviously a lot of catching up need to be done. however the memory remains forever.

thanks for giving me smiles.

p/s: my life was not that good once i am in SSP. i am not really a good student, i told u! hahahahahhaha!!!!!!!!!!

happy holidays!

exam:
CLB320: STUDIES IN LANGUAGE -->done!
EDB006: LEARNING NETWORKS --> done!

assignments:
CLB320: STUDIES IN LANGUAGE -->done!
EDB006: LEARNING NETWORKS --> done!
EDB350: ENGLISH FOR TEACHERS --> done!
CLB452: MEDIA LITERACY AND THE SCHOOL --> done!




wah! all done for the 1st semester!
ok, except for few disappointment regarding the result, i guess im doing well! and i deserve some rest! happy holidays dear QUT friends! enjoy your winter!!
oh so cold! 6 degree celcius and still dropping.
allowance please, do come faster.
i need to do some winter apparel shopping!
*evil laugh!*
hahhahahahahahhah!!!!!!!

to those who are going to Melbourne and not to forget New Zealand (jgn buat2 tak tau Faidz!) i want souvenirs ok!

dont you cry...

but i cant take it......

anything for you, none for me.

have you ever feel that you want others to be happy, ignoring what you need to endure?
the pain?
the hurt?
the hatred?
the sickness?

or...

have you ever feel that you are so selfish that you tend to ignore what others will need to endure later?
the pain?
the hurt?
the hatred?
the sickness?

it works both ways.
sometimes, i feel that i keep what i feel too much.
just not to let others worry of me.
just not to let others think so much of me.
as long as i can make everybody happy,
that will be more than enough.
more than what i can ask for.
but i forgot my own need..
i want to be happy too.

can i not to be in these kind of problems again?

the stillness.

the stillness...
the night..
the feelings..
the lights...

the coldness..
the fun..
the numbness..
the heart..

the everything..
still...
like a statue...

oh abah.

Ditujukan khas : EN. SALIKAN BIN SURADI
Ikhlas tapi jauh : IZYAN IZZATY BINTI SALIKAN.

Hai abah!

Waktu kecil-kecil dulu,
abah suka letak along di pangku.
Kata abah,
jangan nakal, dengar kata,
jadi anak baik, abah sayang.

Masa petang kita duduk di tangga,
banyak cerita banyak gelak tawa.
Kata abah,
orang Jepun asal dari Jawa.
kecil dulu? Along percaya!

Kalau bab makan lagilah penat,

banyak komen, pesanan, tak ingat!
Kata abah,
kecil dulu abah dah pandai masak!
Along makan tahu, masaknya tidak!

Bila besar kini jadi kawan,
abah banyak beri nasihat.
Kata abah,
hidup ini banyakkan bersabar,
tak semua benda kita akan dapat.

Sekarang abah jauh nun di Malaysia,
tapi tak apa, selalu SMS juga,
Kata abah,
jaga diri di tempat orang,
kalau rindu abah, jangan menangis banyak.

Walau abah kejam berkata,
walau abah gurau merata,
abah tetap along sayang,
abah tetap along cinta.
Along rindu nak peluk abah,
cium tangan dan pipi juga.

Ucap along kepada abah,

SELAMAT HARI BAPA!!!!!!!

(Hari Bapa : 21 Jun 2009)



p/s: Entri ini disediakan untuk abah dan juga sempena pertandingan ini! Walaupun rasanya tak menang, tapi tak salah kalau menyokong, ya Irfan?

a sweet guy

in real world,
this kind of sweet guy,
really exist?
prove me.

a bartender,
interested in a girl,
who doesn't even drink.
hm...
cynical.
yet interesting.

p/s: i have finished my assignment for the whole semester 1! congrats, izzy!

to hear when i am alone

you are the voice,
the one in dream.
oh please leave,
i need it -peace.
but you keep haunting.
you know the words,
make me listen,
for whatever reason.
it hurts yes it is.
i know we never belong,
the voice oh yes,
you are the music, sure.
that was easy,
outside the norm,
the thunder, the rhythm.
thumping....

trapped in the own
misery

when you get what you want but not what you need.

when you get what you want, but not what you need, will you be happy for it?
or are you supposed to feel happy for it?

think again. you need something else, yet you did not manage to obtain it. but when you need not another thing willingly comes to your lap. yes, with no doubt, that sounds fun, if it will bring you benefit but what if for the long term, it will only give you misery?

what will you do in such situation?





today is a day where i did nothing. another assignment is still need to done but have not yet started. need to do A LOT to make sure i can still make it. another paper to go too, then i am free. bought new bedsheets, and it is black. funny, because i feel nice when i am supposed to feel gloomy with the colour. i guess black suits me.