Sweetdream

Even just for a dream.
It gave me some kind of peace.
A while, but worth it.

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Giving up? No, growing up.

Lit up a candle and stare at it.
A certain kind of at ease.
Simple, yet full with meaning.

Burning candles.
Looking at it again, i feel proud of my own heart.
Even it's been played,
Stabbed,
Cheated,
Broken and BURNED,
Somehow, it still works. Amazing thing.

Now now, got to realize that the front cover has nothing to compare with the real subject. Like a textbook. Or the real meaning of this burning candle.

What?

Why burning candle? Why??
Some things are just better left unanswered.

Woken up

Because September has ended

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A little rest for a little while

No more lesson planning
No more headache and screams
No more materials preparation
No more strict observations

A little rest
For a little while

But the school and people i know,
will not be forgotten

Then end of practicum
One step to the real world.
At this very moment,
I love my profession.

I have a friend. Or 'friend'?
Who goes behind my back,
And tries to take everything away?
Oh please
Do you know how bad it is?
All these things that you did?
Knowing clearly how i feel?
Oh please
Don't say I'm sorry
Since i know it is not worth it
And i thought that i can believe
Where truth is
Nobody
Ever earn the trust that i keep.

Out of all days, why today?
Why now?

I understand now why my friends keep ob asking me to let go.
Because i thought i did.
When i did not.
Truth is, my life is all about hanging on
I hate it when i dont understand
Or taken advantage of
Or ignored
Or forgotten.

Or just simply left when i need the most.

And i think i can believe in you
No, i thought.

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Officially a graduate now!

Congrats baby! I'm so proud of you.

I can still remember
at that time of the year,
asked you to join that one
But you declined
Refuse to follow

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Explosion of the empire?
Really made my day.
Worrying is not the problem
Giving not a damn thing
Start to worry much
The danger is there,
Yet excitement,
The rush of the blood,
Being mad is always
The winggle on the stage.

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I guess you can say that I miss you
But I dont think it's you I miss
I think who I miss the most is
The person I thought you were
Not the person you turned out to be.

I guess you can say that i miss you
But I dont think that it is you i miss
Because when I looked at the mirror,
There is no you to begin with
Only me,
And my invented memories.

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Im so slow.
I realize now that I dont want love
I just need to be happy
And find someone who can make me feel that
Just happy
Not love
No love

Dont love...

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And is it worth it? Being responsible?
Cause if you take your vitamins,
And pay your taxes,
And never cut the line,
The universe still gives you people you love,
And then let them slip through your fingers
Like water
And then what have you got?
Vitamins..

And nothing.

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Post birthday celebration

Went to national museum for celebration with nurul. Yes, i did. Haha. Good thing is, got to play with the snake! Yeahhhhh!!! Hahahha!

Yes, that was just how i celebrate my birthday. Hahaha!

Fish spaaaaa

Eat, fish, eat!
Eat them all!!

N nurul's face? Priceless.

HB

Age is just a number. But who am I kidding?? I am so a grown up now I cant believe it at all!

Thank you mama for giving birth to this brat 24 years ago.

Thank you for all the wishes people!

Thank you for giving me smiles yesterday. ...

And thank you roommate for the cake and unplanned intimate date.

Xx

P/s: i might not be pretty but I have wonderful people around me, who loves me for who I am. And I am glad for that.

Everything is perfect there but one thing..

The lost and tragedy.

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I feel angry, mad and moody
But i stay.
Stayed.
No. Stay.

I am terrified.

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moment

I will do just about anything to be here at this hour.

I miss.

What?

Looking at all the pictures and i am impressed that i can hold my feelings to be feelingless. What an achievement.

I think this new development is not healthy for my future. I need to do something

Thanks roomate for being there when i needed you just now.

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Still

Yes, i feel THAT difficult to let you out off my mind. Why?
...
Much
A lot.

It hurts.

We are going to meet again,Malaysia. So long Brunei.

The land I like

Hello Brunei!
Let us entertain ourselves with all the smiles and happiness.
And stay on.
The smiles I mean.

Confession of broken hearted

Hello Brunei.

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Take your time in knowing yourself. Because you deserve that time.
Take your time in believing yourself.
Because you deserve that chance.
But tell yourself to be given time
Tell yourself to be slow and learn
Tell yourself to start to understand
That life really revolves around
Us only.

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This pain, the physical pain, will last me more than the inner ones. Despite the fact that the physical will lead me to seek the inner pain. The medicine. Literally soothing cure. Painkiller is you.

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273days ago.
5:40pm

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Because nobody ever stop hurting me.

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You told me it will be forever. You lied.

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In our farawayyyyy land.

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This month exactly.

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I am so slow...

Looking at my watch, I just realized something: I am so so slow.

I need to clean my room,
I need to do my lesson planS for next week.
I need to learn how to dance like in the video.
I need to go shopping
I need to DIET.
I need to send my bags for stitches. Koyak. And shoes too.
I need to send few more cards.
I need to update my photo album (the 2011 version) in my laptop
I need to do some reading
I need to add on my jogging/exercise routine
I need to relax
I need to be positive
I need to improve on my English.
I need to REALLY improve my English.

Yes, and I am not done with the list. I told you I am slow.
So slow I can't believe I can still survive in this world now.

Yes, my morning rambling.

You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul.

No more suicide mission. I promise.

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Talking to the air

For I got no one to be mad with.
I stop looking, then-
I spot Something.
I called off. Stupid? Why?
Big reason is, I just got nothing I can make use to make meaning
Even when I am talking to the air
Yes
I am talking to no one there.
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Excited over small little things.
Smiling over and over again.
Happiness, please stay.
Even the artificial ones,
I can bear.

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Olddd

Will I get duit raya this year? Oh I want pretty please???

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Creepyyy

Few people noted to me that I am too gloomy lately. Need to cheer up a bit and tone down my creepiness haha

Haha..

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Girls forgive and forget
Guys get and forget.

Haha

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White lie.

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I'd played my role with no ties and great gusto. With a great conviction I didn't even know I felt.

Slow..

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Had a habit of not knowing where the phone is. Disaster. And it is here again.

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The heart with the broken parts
And
Colourful blood.

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Went outside for a short walk. And I felt cold. Feelingless. I hate nobody but I also need no one. I tracked my life journey for these past few months and I saw black patches. Of nothingness. I decided to just walk and continue this pattern of nothingness and feelingless. For a while. At least for a moment. As those are the things that keep me smiling. To nothingness. Cheers.

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Reason to cry

Listening to something that bring the tears

I found the reason to show. A side of me you didnt know.
The reason to start over new, and the reason is you.

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Why are you complaining?
Because no one understood.

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When the rain started to pour,
I forgot that I have no raincoat on.
So when I stutterred and showered,
The warmth that you brought
Means everything.

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The star in an orange
The moon in an apple.

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It is not a dream when it is no longer reachable. Too far.

Who do you think you are？

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Says one who cannot keep up

Well known News.
Yesterday was filled with dances and juices
So when the light is off,
The story continues,
It starts to bleed and hurting too.
Simple reason-
Hating the way it goes to.

A little bit over the moon.

"The important thing is to allow fate to intervene in our lives and to decide what is best for everyone."

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Loner

Loneliness gets stronger when we try to face it down, but gets weaker when we simply ignore it.

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No one lights a lamp in order to hide it behind the door:
The purpose of light is to create more light, to open people's eyes, to reveal the marvels around.

(paulo coello, 2008)

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