Believe me, i really want to. I do.

O Allah,
Please give me a way.

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After so long, it feels awkward.
It really does.

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Tapak kuda

I want this please.

Right right.

"You are perfect, but you are not perfect for me."

"You deserve better."

Sounds familiar? Welcome to the club.

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Long ride

It is like a bus ride in a long highway .You know you are on the right track, you know where you are heading. But along the way, you might found the stop signage, or anything. Just as distraction for you, but actually as help for the driver. You go forward, for the exit. From your seat , from your window.

Life goes on, you know.

You know you can stop as you see the sign, but instead you just go on. Why? Because you believe that you are doing the right thing. That matters most.

Belated but better late than never

Oh I got a birthday card today! (omg i know it was sooo belated)

Thanks! And thanks for the 1pound!

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If you really have the courage.

Courage? I believe that it is the willingness to be afraid and act upon it anyway. I am afraid, always. I am however not able to just leave it at that. The fact that I act upon what I want makes me look ruthless, and to some, no longer special. Regardless everything, I am still who I think I am. Yes, I made lots of mistakes, but not for others to judge me.

Occasionally, I will stop at one point of life and ask myself, 'Am I going to make this right?' but again, I am now believe in making mistakes and make myself better from all the mistakes.

No, knowing you is not a mistake, it is a way for me to learn. And be better.
Throw in love, time and forgiveness and the outcome should be equally optimistic.
Should be.

Because we are all looking at the bright side.

I love to eat

And i dont care.

Even when i can no longer fit into my old jeans. Thanks for reminding me, people.

Went crazy

I went beyond my imagination and allowed an spot of baldness in the size of 20cent on my head.
Yes, i know.
But at least now i know 'bekam' doesnt hurt.
And the 5 spots on the forehead?? Haha priceless. Need to cover those funny spots tomorrow for cricket.

Cricket??!!! I know right??
Oh batting and bowling.. Kind of fun.

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Oh

Indeed.

How..

Those songs. What? Found out the truth. Greed versus feelings. And I blame those thorns. Counting the patches, storing the tears. No, forever is not what I need.

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Pangkor

2am in the morning and it is my turn to patrol.

The feeling of being here, Pangkor at night? Priceless.
With this sound?
Who can resist to be sleepy?
Good food,
Good people to hang with,
And good laughters.
Creating all the sweet remembrance.

Love this place.

P/s: why must 2 hours? I am sleepy....

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In denial but...

Really?
...

77

Hello CM! And the Es Teller welcome the hungry me. With Shiha I ate like a king.

And the fish spa?
The night lights?
The good chat..
And some love.
Just beautiful.

Awesome trip.

Stir your life, baby.

What a beautiful day. With the sun, and the breeze. And I stayed at home?! I did. 

I need to get a life.

Find my awesome dress, put on my best heels, go out and have fun.

Will ask Shiha. Jom?

True story

I spent too much of time worrying and mourning over things i shouldnt have to.

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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they've got. Really.

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Happy birthday.

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Not enough sugar, but with lots of love

Before,
at this very time...

While I waited
You waited too
Just not for me
Only one that you knew
But that is ok.

Lit the candle, in few minutes.

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I miss a lot of things.
And people.

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Find me when you are ready
Not because you are lonely.

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Admit it...

Somewhere, someday,
somehow...

You like someone you cant have
You desire something you cant get
You hate someone you cant forgive
You love someone who don't love you back
You want to stay when you are chased away
You forget just how to forgive and let it go today.
You hold on too tight, you don't realize you are losing it anyway.

Admit it.

It is 3 am and I cant stop thinking.
Thanks caffeine, my brain is working without a blink.
Too tired but now I cant sleep.
Shall start to think my plan to keep me here.
With the right sanity.

5 cups of coffee..
too caffeinated to realise
that i am tired.





of staring at nothing.

Sweetdream

Even just for a dream.
It gave me some kind of peace.
A while, but worth it.

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Giving up? No, growing up.

Lit up a candle and stare at it.
A certain kind of at ease.
Simple, yet full with meaning.

Burning candles.
Looking at it again, i feel proud of my own heart.
Even it's been played,
Stabbed,
Cheated,
Broken and BURNED,
Somehow, it still works. Amazing thing.

Now now, got to realize that the front cover has nothing to compare with the real subject. Like a textbook. Or the real meaning of this burning candle.

What?

Why burning candle? Why??
Some things are just better left unanswered.

Woken up

Because September has ended

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A little rest for a little while

No more lesson planning
No more headache and screams
No more materials preparation
No more strict observations

A little rest
For a little while

But the school and people i know,
will not be forgotten

Then end of practicum
One step to the real world.
At this very moment,
I love my profession.

I have a friend. Or 'friend'?
Who goes behind my back,
And tries to take everything away?
Oh please
Do you know how bad it is?
All these things that you did?
Knowing clearly how i feel?
Oh please
Don't say I'm sorry
Since i know it is not worth it
And i thought that i can believe
Where truth is
Nobody
Ever earn the trust that i keep.

Out of all days, why today?
Why now?

I understand now why my friends keep ob asking me to let go.
Because i thought i did.
When i did not.
Truth is, my life is all about hanging on
I hate it when i dont understand
Or taken advantage of
Or ignored
Or forgotten.

Or just simply left when i need the most.

And i think i can believe in you
No, i thought.

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Officially a graduate now!

Congrats baby! I'm so proud of you.

I can still remember
at that time of the year,
asked you to join that one
But you declined
Refuse to follow

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Explosion of the empire?
Really made my day.
Worrying is not the problem
Giving not a damn thing
Start to worry much
The danger is there,
Yet excitement,
The rush of the blood,
Being mad is always
The winggle on the stage.

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I guess you can say that I miss you
But I dont think it's you I miss
I think who I miss the most is
The person I thought you were
Not the person you turned out to be.

I guess you can say that i miss you
But I dont think that it is you i miss
Because when I looked at the mirror,
There is no you to begin with
Only me,
And my invented memories.

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Im so slow.
I realize now that I dont want love
I just need to be happy
And find someone who can make me feel that
Just happy
Not love
No love

Dont love...

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And is it worth it? Being responsible?
Cause if you take your vitamins,
And pay your taxes,
And never cut the line,
The universe still gives you people you love,
And then let them slip through your fingers
Like water
And then what have you got?
Vitamins..

And nothing.

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Post birthday celebration

Went to national museum for celebration with nurul. Yes, i did. Haha. Good thing is, got to play with the snake! Yeahhhhh!!! Hahahha!

Yes, that was just how i celebrate my birthday. Hahaha!

Fish spaaaaa

Eat, fish, eat!
Eat them all!!

N nurul's face? Priceless.

HB

Age is just a number. But who am I kidding?? I am so a grown up now I cant believe it at all!

Thank you mama for giving birth to this brat 24 years ago.

Thank you for all the wishes people!

Thank you for giving me smiles yesterday. ...

And thank you roommate for the cake and unplanned intimate date.

Xx

P/s: i might not be pretty but I have wonderful people around me, who loves me for who I am. And I am glad for that.

Everything is perfect there but one thing..

The lost and tragedy.

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I feel angry, mad and moody
But i stay.
Stayed.
No. Stay.

I am terrified.

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moment

I will do just about anything to be here at this hour.

I miss.

What?

Looking at all the pictures and i am impressed that i can hold my feelings to be feelingless. What an achievement.

I think this new development is not healthy for my future. I need to do something

Thanks roomate for being there when i needed you just now.

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Still

Yes, i feel THAT difficult to let you out off my mind. Why?
...
Much
A lot.

It hurts.

We are going to meet again,Malaysia. So long Brunei.

The land I like

Hello Brunei!
Let us entertain ourselves with all the smiles and happiness.
And stay on.
The smiles I mean.

Confession of broken hearted

Hello Brunei.

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Take your time in knowing yourself. Because you deserve that time.
Take your time in believing yourself.
Because you deserve that chance.
But tell yourself to be given time
Tell yourself to be slow and learn
Tell yourself to start to understand
That life really revolves around
Us only.

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This pain, the physical pain, will last me more than the inner ones. Despite the fact that the physical will lead me to seek the inner pain. The medicine. Literally soothing cure. Painkiller is you.

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