Things some will never understand.

Let me tell you a story. Yes, this is going to be a long story so if you are not willing to read, just ignore this. 

I know many will disapprove me for writing this, and more to come for others who will say I should just be glad that I am who I am now, and how there are so many others out there who want to be in my position now. However, I am writing this to share a few things so others will understand why I did what I did in these past few months. 

As you all know, I am a teacher in one primary school. I love my job. I like the fact that the kids still listen to me and enjoy my class even though I know at times I can be scary ( or maybe most of the times?). I enjoy the kids company, with so much laughter and tears. I am that one happy teacher whenever my kids say 'Hi miss!' or 'Bye miss!' whenever they saw me in school (or outside). Yes, I am one typical teacher. 

But as much as I love my job,  I do realize that my life is different now. No longer as free as I used to be. I am always busy with things to do. I am Penyelaras PBS for my school (only those who hold the same position will know how stressful it can be), few other posts in my school too (not too bad for me since I know some are even worse at other school). I took part in school tuition program, and I have private tutoring almost every other night to help others in need (some with payment, I admit). At the same time, I am the coach for my action song team, choral speaking team, 'kompang' team, and the latest one 'bicara berirama' team. No, I am not complaining for being the coach or anything. I just want people around me to understand why you think I don't have time for you people. 

Some people asked me, "How come you are too busy? You are a teacher." or they told me "Teachers are not like any others. You guys are lucky. Tengah hari boleh balik tidur" or "Salary so high, job so little." et cetera. Yes yes yes. You might think we teach from 7.30 - 1.30pm, then we'll go to lalaland until the next day doing nothing. Maybe for some (I dont know if that 'some' is still exist) but most of us teachers work nonstop. At least I think I do. And for those who know me, they know I am telling the truth. 

Monday to Friday, school as usual. My evenings are spent for meetings, or trainings (whichever team/tournament/competition), or record keeping, or book marking, or lesson planning, or any program at all. My nights are sometimes spent at school (for training kids too) or tuition (most of the times). My weekend you ask? It has been ages since the last time I remember I spent my weekend resting at home. I spent my weekends at school. Or with kids. Or with kids, at school. You pick one. 

Yes, it is definitely my own fault I got sick, I might have neglected my health in the process. But what I want you people to understand is I never (ok maybe rarely is more appropriate) try to push you people out of my life. Just, give me time. 

I do learned my lesson to eat on time, to drink plain water more. To have enough rest, to sleep at night. I know now how hurt it is to not being able to talk much in class. That I can be sick too. That I can get lung infection too. That my body told me that ageing is no joke (really!). I am getting better now as I rest more and talk less. 

So, I am sorry. Maybe I am workaholic. Maybe I am trying to use work to make my life busy so I have no reason to think about other aspects of my life too much. Don’t worry. I know there will only few people who read this post in this blog. Even near to none who will read this to the end. But I feel contented already knowing that somehow I still have some friends who understand how I feel, and stick with me despite the fact in has been ages since the last I met them.

For that, I thank you.