Syhhh..

Just keep it,
Because you know it is not worth the pain.
When you are burning your own future over the candles of life, of love.
Just burn them all.
Burnt.
And cried over.

Kite bako je.

Stars from the above

Be my lucky charms.

Be my glittering pendant,
with a necklace I can wear.
Be my dangling bracelet.
Be my perfect ring.
Be my lovely studs.

And I will feel so safe.
For I always have the charms.
With me.

Bloodish!

Yes. I went extreme (for me!) today. Donated my blood? Check! At lasttttt...
After so many failed attempts (low blood pressure, finish the tube, etc) I can now proudly announce i have donated my blood. Once. -_-"

Babysteps ok. I never think I will be able to see this day. I hate blood, and I hate needles, what more syringe! But oh well.. It was not a pretty sight though. Only those who were there knew how scared to death I am! With so many questions, and the BIG needle with SO MANY blood that they took! Haha. But once they put the needle in my vein I smiled and tell everybody waiting, 'oh, it wasn't that bad...'. And the i-am-so-nervous-Grace said, 'like that la now!' haha. Pretty fun.

I planned to do something more fun today. Go out and do something stupid maybe? The plans were no longer applicable once I finish, i felt so dizzy and tired. Haha.

But. Today is the day that I just dont feel good. Even if it is not because of this bloodish event. Because I still feel it is bleeding. Something else i mean.

Live to see the day of today.

Of 24022010.

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Because I deserve it

When things are not as how I wish they will be, I shall start to accept them as how they are now. Even better. Maybe.

Accepting the destiny.
Approve of the life as how it is.
Believe in God as He know best.
Stop worrying what will happen next.

And with a smile,
Calmly walk forward-
Proud to be who I am today.
Pat on my own back,
'You deserve to be strong'.
Believe it.
Confidently.

Because I deserve it.

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Of yesteryear's excitement.

Flowery feelings of that day,
Winking every flowery steps,
To live the flowery love of life.

Of yesteryear. This exact minute.

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I am

I am ok.
Just gathering all
The remaining sanity
The residual courage
The lingering sense
The leftover guts
Just about anything
Stiching them slowly.
To swathe the impair.
To keep me going.
Breathing.
I am ok.
Because-
I have to be.
I promised.

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216

"...But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not."

                             Al-Baqarah : 216

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Cutter and shapes

With the sharp edges,
They all linked together.
Embrace the warmth,
Of finding each other.

You think?

Which one is the most important?

Wealth?
Faith?
Love?
Or loyalty?

Salam Maulidurr Rasul.

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Speaking to nonbeing

Again.
For the route of wonderland is officially over.
However, it was worth over the series of whoaaaa's and caffeinated walks.
Blissfully glad, thank you.
Very much.

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Green cindarella.

When the prince tried to find his princess, he used the other glass slipper to find one that match his.

But i need another pair of green fipper that match mine, or mine his.

How I miss.
Even when I get to see one everyday.
No, using one.

Delicate memories.

Down down

So I saw this in last night's dream.
Beautiful-
Yet it has certain memories.

Miniminimynimore

Who is the worst out of us all?
When one runs without a shoe
Another pour a belly juice
While one plan to share a plate
Another skip for jelly beans
Oh miniminimynimore.
I think you have to fool us all
For at the end I see you call
To cheat and let the love on toll.

Miniminitinydrops.

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Wall of brick

Slowly disintegrating.
The rain is pouring,
Wash away the small bricks.
Even when the sun shines,
The mould kept on coming,
As a way of telling-
There is no way of forgetting,
Of how it will stay forever
By the great wall of brick.

Shower of the rain.
Ahh... The simple drops of pain.

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Half full or half empty?

The bottle is half full?
The bottle is half empty?

Does it really matter if the bottle is in need of syrup or juices?

Since the plain water is no full.

But no foul intended if we mix any sort of liquid available.

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0

...
There is no end in a circle
N of 0? no.
Of darkness and pitchblack.
Of loneliness.

Firecrackers.

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Shining star

Shining star.
Shy away oh
So far
From within.
beat the most
To kill the form
Of gloomy storm
Hope is a thing
With nothing
But the drip
of Love.

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to you the stranger

The stranger under the tree, you.
I am sorry, i know you too,
For what we need
Is to be true
But so afraid
To just go through

You being there over the tree
I shall say hey,
My name is Lily
But i just stand here
Waiting for the courage
But with the tears
That i must add

Hello, stranger.
Want to walk me home?

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When-

The hairbrush tangled
With hairs
Of the short ones
To the long ones.
From the day they outgrown.
Tangled with undo knots.
The roots.
The split ends.

I need a haircut.

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X to Y

The gloomy day.

The weather? Greyish.
The soul? Empty.

So much of light colours.
Lost the pattern.

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Quoted from.

"If you love two persons, choose the second one. Because if you really love the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."

-Liyana Jasmay-

I wonder if it may work like that. What if it does? Wait.. No way.

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Crazy

The need to drink in the middle of the night. The need to take a deep breath. Slow.. Comforting.

Sometimes when we want something too much, we will never going to get it.
We fight, we lost, we forfeit the battle. We hope for the best, we lie to make it better. Even to ourselves.

I am losing something I hope I had not. It is the trust I wish I still have.

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The joy of friendship

The joy of our 18years of friendship, and counting. This one.

One that you know you can be yourself whenever you are with her.

One that you know you need not to feel bad for being honest.

One with so much love and care only both understand.

One that accept each at the worst and the best.

One that trust is never an issue and secrets kept between them and no other.

One that will hurt one another but never turn their back.

One that will share laughs and tears, as they know best.

To this one friendship of 18 years, and counting.

For you, Izzati.
From, Izzaty.

Because I care

Things that even I don't have the answer myself. The act is neither something intended nor forced, it is just as it is. I may be blinded with what I want badly, but it is worth the try the pain.

Being far away sometimes make me feel sad and lonely. Yes. Insecure too.

Is it even worth it?

Enchanting the perfect line of ' I believe'.

Because I do believe,

Because I want to believe.

And..
Because I care.
For you.

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Irritation

The very reason i chose to ignore is to be happy.

But when the ignorance causing the irritation, i keep on telling myself to think again about it.

When i keep quiet about something does that mean i am giving up? Or it is just another way of saying i can survive with no worries at all? Or i am just being ignorant again? I have no idea as well.

Being nice doesnt have anything to do with being bullied. It is just a way of saying i am better than that.

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The slow walk

It is the slow walk,
But the slow walk of the confidence.

It is the slow walk,
The short walk towards the destination.
Only reached when desired,
A walk full of stops, trials and turns.

It is the slow walk.
But the slow walk of the distance.

<del> reattaching whatever left, reminiscing whatever remembered </del>

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Goodbye and Hello

Thank you very much 2010.
I miss you already.

Hello 2011.

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To know a girl is to shop with her.

I came across this statement few times, and been thinking a lot about it since.

Whatever you read after this is purely from my own point of view.

I have few people that I love to shop with, and that includes those who can influence my decision, and those who just merely be my shopping partner. After all, I realized that I used  to love to shop alone at times, and when I can't make up my mind, I made hasty decisions, some that I regret later.

But there is this phase of my life when I am used to having people to remind me every second, from eating at the right meal at the right time, buying only things I need or things I can afford, and think twice (or zillion times) if I want to buy something unnecessary (read: only when I got extra money). And for a moment, I guess I am being too dependent.

Putting that point aside, I guess the statement of 'To know a girl is to shop with her' might be true. And vice versa; To know a guy is to shop with him.

For girls: Bring a guy with you to shop? That will be *gasp* a disaster!
To guys: Let a girl to tag along? Are you kidding?

Yeah yeah, heard that trillion times.

Browse for a moment and take what you want, pay, leave.
Browse for a moment, take what you like, put back, find another, compare (shape, size, colour, PRICE, quality etc etc), look at the options available, decide.
Browse for a moment, moody, leave with nothing.
Browse everything, analyse every single nano details.
List down whatever needed, take, leave.
The list goes on and on.

Sounds familiar?

I am a shopaholic, I love shopping.
I love to shop alone.
But I have few favourite people that I love to shop with, and love to follow when they go shopping.
Yes, I get to know few sides of him/her while shopping.
From their taste, to their habit, preference, perseverance, and even ability to resolve conflict.

My forever favourite shopping partner, of course my sister, angah.
But yes, I have this someone that will always be the one if I can choose to drag around for shopping.
And now I will do just about anything to let him say 'No' when I want to buy ridiculous things I laid my eyes on.

Shopping does show your my true colour, I guess.

15 years of friendship.

We have known each other since... 8 years old? Oh, God knows how many dramas we have been through, and I am glad that I still have her. To date, I want her to know that I love having her as my other twin, and I am sad to be apart since she will be leaving to Aussie soon. Yes, you read me right, she is going to the land I miss so much!

I love her when I saw her waiting for me at the airport.

Yes, you, Nur Izzati Mohd. Khairan.

When are you going to be free? I'll sleepover!

Different

Even when we are different,
I choose you.

unanswered and steered.

when you drive your ride,
and you ride it slow,
you know you need a destination.
but instead, you are given a direction.
you are shown, steered away,
so no destination given.
hoping for the real purpose forgotten.
the driver knows,
the passenger shows.

no answer given shows the unanswered.
the non promise.
the non risk taken.

the driver is driving,
slow.
slowly.
slower.

because the driver has forgotten the purpose of driving at the first place.

Why-

That i still cry whenever i remember this...

How do i know that i will feel this bad?

With you so far away i wish i can just fly?

And be by your side even just for a while?

Over a cup of tea? Over the laughs and smiles you always give?

Even just our silent moment of calming down, do nothing..

I am missing you.

Hello Malaysia

Of nonstop honking on the road,
With so much of cars parked anywhere they please,
With the watery and smelly toilet,
With rubbish everywhere,
With people being selfish in the public transport.
With all the lame ways to pick up on girls,
With the annoying salesgirl,
With the slow connection speed...
I KNOW I'M HOME!

Oh, happy birthday mama!!!

The apple of my heart

Thanks for everything.
Will miss you.
You know i will.
Hugs and kisses.

Forget me not. Forever.

Over the crunchy choc.

The friendship grown to be more than just friends. It is now the bond of someone you want in your life. Thank you for being the girl I adore, Nurizyan Sapar.

The rollers

A rollercoaster,
Ups and downs.
Where we see the worst and best,
The good and bad
The moments where we wish we can do them all over again
The excitement, the rush
From the heart within.
In her.
In him.

Roll roll.
Till you no longer can.

Wanting need and needing the want

When I was a little kid, I used to think that these two words conveyed the same meaning. "i want the cake because i need to eat", "i want the toys because i need to play", " i want the book because i need to read". Things like that.

But when you are older you get to realize that whatever you want is not necessarily what you need. And whatever you need doesnt necessarily what you want. That is why when we are talking about what you want and what you need, it might lead to a never-ending discussion.

When you need me, but you don't want me, i will stay
But when you want me, but you don't need me, i'll go.
(Nanny McPhee)

But just maybe, we want things that we need just because we need things what we want.

Not because i need but because i want therefore i need to satisfy my wanting.

Sounds selfish? Go Figure the meaning.

I want to walk to you because i want you. I need to walk to you because i need you.

Come back faster.

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Rain rain please just stay, just tonight please if you may.

Raindrops

Whenever it is raining, I always feel sort of melancholy. The feel of being sad, romantic, fear, happy, contented, etc will take their own turn each time. One by one.

As of tonight, I feel nostalgic. I remember one day when it was raining so hard I decided to just step outside and do nothing. Not exactly nothing. Well, let just say it was a good cover. But it works. Sadly, I am not really a rain person. I mean, I get sick easily if I played in the rain.

So I stepped outside. I suddenly remember someone gave me a lovely umbrella, with a tree motive printed on it. It is a really nice umbrella, one I am reluctant to use. But tonight, I played with the rain. With the umbrella. With the water drops. I know I miss this someone. I know I need to keep myself strong. After all, I am still seeing clouds and shadows on what will happen next. Next? Stop.

Rain rain please just stay.
Just tonight please if you may.

thank you

Oh. The rain stopped.

With no words

the push on that swing

Swing the swingswing, Say nothing.

No words needed. The moment treasured.

One you can sit on a porch swing with,

 never say a word, 

then walk away with the feel of the best conversation ever.

That someone.

yes, you.

the shoulder to cry on

If running is possible to reach you, I am already on my way now.

=)

I am happy thank you very much. Yes, despite everything in my daily life.

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one step closer.

to Malaysia..

Metallica concert

It was awesome thank you very much!!

Kitchen model

I am so a teacher hahahhaha. Manage to make this in 1 hour and i am so proud of it now. Dont you dare complain!

Jamming session!

Few scratches and we are all done

holding on while you still can

stamping on all the floor possible

running off all the way you happen
to find release
to seek company

bring back the laughs the tears the love everywhere

to make it worth every ticks and tocks.
get the pad so then we lock.

For that every second is worth thousand memories.

countdown in officially begin.

yes, i am aware of you. and yes, i am ignoring you. doesn't mean i never care. as long as he is happy.

What we do in class?

Stradbroke Island

The BIG wave

Went to Stradbroke Island for the second time. This time just to relax ourselves. Had a nice picnic despite the weather. Planning to go on the other trip next time. Finger crossed, please do not rain.

p/s: with lovely companion, I don't complain much.

Eid-ul Fitr

The last day of Syawal.

I will miss you.