Flashing memories

Sometimes, I do have flashing memories of Brisvegas that give the chills, but I prefer to shut them with my busyness of doing whatever. Don't make me regret this. 

No, I don't know...

I don't know how it started
I don't know when it ended
I don't know what went wrong
I don't know who at fault.

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#foreveralone

Total friendzone fullstop

Pretty woman

It must have been love
But it's over now
It must have been good
But I lost it somehow

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Cleaning up

Tidy up all your picture albums in external hd can be very much frustrating, especially there are things we intentionally ignore and never open. But, it also bring me smile and live-hate feelings. Whatmore when I saw those pics when I was soo thin. WAS. Past tense. Great.

Grrrr

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Rainbow after the rain

Heartbroken anyone?

After knowing that moving on means letting go, I have always be cautious of every little step. No, I am not afraid of making mistakes. I am more concern about not finding the one I can keep on doing mistakes to.

All must have remembered your own story, your first love. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to forget, some might be impossible to let go. If you ever find one that still hung upon the past, leave immediately or you will ended up being the substitute for a little while then let go when not needed. In fact, thrown in some cases. We do not want that, do we?

Live your life. Move your ass. Make wise moves and be happy. Sometimes, your happiness can be so infectious, you may smile all the time when others join in chorus.

Thanks to everything, I can finally see the rainbow again after gloomy rainy days.

Thank you for your time in my life. It sure made me the happiest, but also the worst when ended. Not even so happy when I looked again.

Thank you for those who helped, and those who backstabbed. You guys are very much the kind of people who made life interesting.

Thank you very much.

Regards.

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Honeysweet

You are the flower in the desert.
And I wish you are right

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Right?

At this very moment, I wonder. What will happen to me if I can change history to my own liking. Edit and re-create the life story to my own need.. Am I able to re-track the steps taken and turn back, way back to the places I wish I can be? Or should I be able to accept and arrive at another point of my life. Maybe I should go south but yet the north sounds good as well. In fact, all these do sound familiar. All in my head for years. At one point, the decisions that I made seem too significant they changed the whole pattern. Based n what? Ego? Instinct? What people would have wanted? Or is it because it is truly right? It is not decided. I am the one who will decide and proclaim whether it is right, and make it right.

I just couldn't help but wonder if this thorny bushes that nonstop eating my flesh is worth all the right decisions I have made. These choices are made with fear. And I foresee the fear. I am fear to face the fear. 

Bursting laughters

After a whole clean year... Hehehe...
Thanx!

2012

Hello!
Happy New Year, lovelies!
My resolution this year? I want to change.
If you don't hear from me again,
That is my change for you.

Goodbye -

and sleep please...

At last

Once the sought-after lane
Became the tears-shed pain.

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Owning the burden is half the battle.

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The measurement

Picture is taken here

Start with one
Count until you are done
When? You count and try to run
Till the point you are having no more fun
Playing with number
Playing with the ruler
But can everything be measured?
Just because we want it numbered?
No.
At one point we will know
The point of one feeling,
is the feeling without measure
Since that day you will keep on seeing
the truth that you never consider.

Ever.

:(

There is no secret

Only hidden truth lie beneath the under.

Ukulele oh Ukulele, will you stay?

Deleted and wiped? Done.

Oh, remember the story about a car that looked nice outside but badly damaged inside?

You owe me so many things.
Pay up.


Good bye.

Hop along

Against the dark night
If the cut is that deep
Maybe because it is scary?
Maybe because of the pride?
The man-made excuses?
Throw something over the edges
And run for it
Hop along
Too vulnerable from the truth.
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With you

The best and the worst relationship.
Even after all this time.

The reason I gave up upon feelings.

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Night out

The view in Southbank at night still made me smile. Never fail.

A little girl found running
To the place the hush hush came in
Though the promised never come
But the heart seek no harm
Slowly, withdrawing
From the entangled form within
And the girl stop running

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I need to always check.
Just because
I forgot.

We are so busy growing up,
We often forget that our parents are growing old.

I love you, mom and dad.
From the bottom of my heart.

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Big Day for you..

You stood with me every time I snapped.
You gave me everything of yours when I demanded
You took the white flag whenever we fought, alright
You let me get my own way anyhow you may, you will try..

You are the oldest friend that I have.
One I never need to find,
You will always be there.
And for that I can never forget.
With lots of love, you made me who I am today

I may give you presents in years to come,
but it can never be enough compared
to the present that you already are
to me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, angah.

Love, along.

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secret admirer

A little birdie sent me a tweet,
Wishing me happiness every single morning
How I mean to send it back and see
From where the little birdie came
Just to be woken up by hurtful ringing- oh
Reality hits.

Forgiven not forgotten

Always forgive,
But never forget
Learn from mistake,
But never regret.

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For a piece of paper

After all the hard work
For all the time spent away from home
For all the tears finishing whatever needed

I am now graduated

Thank you Allah
Thank you to all

Congratulation Izzy, you deserve this.
=)

Yes, maybe?

Yes.
Or no.
Maybe I am not
Only for that day
Been waiting
On the corner of the living
You found me- No?
Where were you?
Come just a little closer
Will you?

Love.

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Thank you Allah

For granting my wish.
Alhamdulillah....

system breakdown.

O God, I know that this is a test for you to me,
but for this, I beg to my knee.
Give me strength
Give me faith
Give me the chance I so long waited.

O God.
Grant me the wish
to give this heart
a little bit of ease.

Pray for my best.

Congratulation on your hard-worked degree.

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Veracity is...?

People tend to not recall

That friendship are not made of deceit

Lots of good hearsay,

Holding to the genuineness?

Or hiding from it altogether?

But after the entire stereo

Of sugar-coating lexis and

merely honesty

Now discern the reality

the hurt of shrewd

the spiteful words.

Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another.

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Mistake

Here is a thing about mistakes:

Sometimes when you know that it is a mistake, you have to make it anyway. Just to prove that it is a mistake. Or else we can never know that the mistake is a mistake. We will live without knowing that a mistake is a mistake because we mistakenly not doing the mistake.

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Sugarbutterbread

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Tiny nevertheless certain

Small little amend

Big enough? But plain-

Too plain.

Enough, as you ordered

From the menu

Thus far, will that do?

Plain-

Is forever good

In no way impede

From be visible to you

However indeed

In a way complete

The raison d'être

To be too in bliss

Hitherto wanting

More than plainly this.

Exactly. 

Because 'sky is the limit'

Really?

Wooden heart or steel?

My heart is hurting now. I googled for reasons. You know, maybe I ate something that will cause this pain. But, instead, I came across an old song I always remember. A song I cherish a lot.

Picture taken from here

Can't you see

I love you

Please don't break my heart in two

That's not hard to do

Cause I don't have a wooden heart

And if you say goodbye

Then I know that I would cry

Maybe I would die

Cause I don't have a wooden heart

There's no strings upon this love of mine

It was always you from the start

Treat me nice

Treat me good

Treat me like you really should

Cause I'm not made of wood

And I don't have a wooden heart

This song is called Wooden Heart (Elvis Presley). You see, I always choose to believe that I can make my own kind of love story. You know, the -not-so-common ones. But I ended up stuck in the cliche patterns. Boring. Maybe I should start to educate myself to good music. The ones that will made me NOT think about this song (that since just now stuck forever in my head with mental image of elvis presley and the dool).

Things are quiet lately. Too quiet to be precise. Nothing much happened. Not so full with drama(s) except few panic attacks when exam and assignments take the toll on us. At the very least, I am glad that the busyness take my minds off whatever I am burdened with.

The hunt for baju melayu at Jalan TAR. 

Met Jeremy (my ex-housmate's son) during his vacation trip here and we talked about things in Malaysia and Australia. We also made lots of discussion about life, cultures and love. Topics got wider by the time I asked about commitment in life. He playfully agreed on life with commitment is hard, it was way more fun without one. Now that I think about it again, I guess it really is. No expectation, no hard feelings, not much  no tears, no headache. After all, I think I have still lots to catch up in life. He told me how he loves adventures and been trying lots since little. Always want to try so many new things in life, so I know I must use every possible chance, be opportunist. Will do. Thanx Jez. I am glad you enjoyed our tour (haha!) and Malaysia. See you when I see you later. Cheers, mate.

Did lots of reading lately. All the exam topics are not good for my health. They made me think too much over issues like 'Dasar-dasar kerajaan' and 'Perintah Am' but somehow lots of thinking of those made me realize that I also need to play my role as a good citizen. We will start with... err.. any suggestion?

the <3of  housemates (pic courtesy of Aliaa Zawani)

the cake during QUT farewell (pic courtesy of Erma Heldayu)

The real rafewell is nearing. No, it is already here. I hate goodbyes. Friends are always my best resort when I started to think unnecessary things.

I guess somehow I am still not over this.This small tiny little thing.

Recovering.

Alhamdulillah.
KISSM, you made my life a living hell for a moment.
But now that you are gone, I believe I am going to miss you.

Love,
One who went out early during exam

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Emotionally disturbed over things I cannot understand- Nothing.

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Nice music ambience after another. Who can resist the excitement?
Thanks sis for the treat!

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A treat.

Thank you God.

Got to know my result, and I am so so glad, i never expected it (looking at my results all these while). So I took a trip for my own kind of celebration. A slow walk enjoying day, followed by a nice dinner with lovely people from Aussieland. Then now treating myself to good liveband alone at bb. With a cup of hot lemonade, what can go wrong?

I thank You, God. For giving me reasons to smile today.

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Change

We dont like it-
We fear it.

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Soul is no gift

Do you have anyone that when you try to contact them, your heart will be very badly heavy and big lump in throat that hurt do much? You ended up not typing anything at all. Sometimes it is important (at least to you) but then you let it go. Then that someone contacted you, which makes you heart almost stop. But then ignored again after that. Why?

When you can hear the whimper of the wind. Of soul that is soulless.

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111111

I wish nothing but the best for you...

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Vertigo

For those whose goal is 'something higher' must expect some day to suffer vertigo.

The voice of the emptiness below everything else.

Afraid much? Run.

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Secret Garden

A place where you can do your worst.
Be yourself.

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Eid-ul Adha

Celebrate it with all the happiness you can get.
For all the love and care I got, I thank you Allah.

Merdu suara takbir..

What fix?

There are no quick fix that heals fast, especially not by trying to talk it out. No, you have no idea what to talk, where to start, how to fit everything into one simple story line. Because there is none. The only solution that you can think of is to lessen the heartache. Forget the revenge, will bring you to nowhere. Give up the hope, will be utterly hopeless and at some point, you will realize that you are just wasting your time. Stop everything you are doing. Stop every picture viewing, history chat/msgs reading, checking every single time for new updates about them. Be generous. Be better than being stupid. No, do not forget, because that is how you learned your lesson. Just stop wasting the tears they dont deserve. Start with letting yourself go. Give yourself some love. Smile more, and just keep on smile. Even when you cannot cheat yourself, you might as well let others around you feel relief. If you can, find new people to hang out with, even though in my case I am more comfortable do lots of things on my own. No, watching movies alone are not pathetic. Eating alone is also ok. Nothing is wrong with walking and strolling down the park alone. Who knows, that way the fix and the heal we try so hard to find can be found? 

Then again, we can still cry where nobody will never know. 

I think so

Traffic jam: Festival of light.

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Rainbow days